Addiction is a repetitive behaviour that becomes more and more costly as time goes by. There is a ritualistic side to every addiction. We pick a specific time, place, or activity no matter what our addiction may be. Binge-watching or overthinking, alcohol or drugs, shopping or social media.
What happens during this ritual? What are the payoffs of continuing with our rituals despite their increasing cost to our well-being?
Our Unconcious Rituals
Take someone who has to spend at least a few hours a day on social media. This person’s ritual involves checking their cell phone whenever they feel the urge.
Where they are might not change how often they perform their ritual. They might be at a social gathering or at home. Anytime the urge strikes, here they are again looking at the screen. We could say that they are anti-social and perhaps even rude. But I believe there is more to addiction than meets the eye.
Let’s look at a smoker. They just finished a meal at a restaurant and now feel the urge to go out for a smoke as they look around to recruit someone for their ritual. They find somebody and go outside together. What’s happening now?
Both for the social media addict and the smoker, they are engaging in a ritual. They’ve done it countless times before. They know exactly what’s going to happen. There is a lot more consistency to their ritual compared to the unpredictability of social dynamics. There is safety in what they know. They get to be in their own element.
Challenging Our Comfort Zones and Rituals
To the degree that we don’t feel safe, we are going to cling to the familiarity of our rituals. Our rituals (and therefore our addictions) end up defining our comfort zones. Yet, a lot of life happens outside of this zone.
The social media addict and the smoker in the examples above might not be in trouble, at least not until their health or their relationships are compromised because of their addictions.
If we are on our phones continuously, then our romantic partner is going to feel betrayed – as if we are actually having an affair with somebody! In a sense, we are. We are too preoccupied with our self-soothing ritual (our addiction) to pay attention to our partner. In the case of the smoker, their health might become an issue if they engage often in their ritual.
How to Discover Safety, Consistency, and Familiarity
How can we find safety, consistency, and familiarity in ways that are not harmful to us?
Work on your trauma and deep healing. A sense of danger (unsafety) and anxiety/panic are often symptoms of trauma.
- Get to know and deeply explore your early wounding and conditioning. Think about how difficult school years were for example and begin to digest the heaviness and pain of those times of your life.
- Address anything in your romantic relationship that isn’t actually working for you. A great amount of our day-to-day stress is due to unaddressed issues in our closest relationships.
- Have a daily practice early in the day. Whether through journaling, yoga, or meditation, have a daily routine where you can really slow down and connect with yourself.
- Commit to working weekly with a qualified therapist.
For help with addiction and/or mental health or questions regarding treatment, please call us any time. At Sunshine Coast Health Centre, we have a team ready to answer any questions you may have and guide you in the right direction.
