When it comes to personal growth and recovery, you may have come across a certain saying: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This concept has gained traction in self-help circles and is often cited in discussions around mental health and addiction recovery. But where does this idea come from, how accurate is it, and what does it mean for people in treatment and recovery?
The Origins of the Concept
As with any well-known phrase, it’s always worth considering its origin, which, in this case, is widely attributed to motivational speaker and entrepreneur Jim Rohn. Rohn used this idea to emphasize the importance of surrounding yourself with positive, like-minded individuals who inspire growth and success. The logic is simple: the people closest to you influence your thoughts, behaviours, and mindset, which in turn affect your life outcomes.
While Rohn popularized this concept, it’s clear that it draws on much older ideas. The notion that our social environment shapes who we are can be traced back to ancient philosophers like Aristotle, who believed that humans are inherently social beings and that our relationships significantly impact our virtues and vices.
Does This Saying Hold Any Weight?
Well, yes, and no.
There’s evidence supporting the idea that our social circles influence our behaviours and attitudes. For example, research in social psychology shows that behaviours like smoking, drinking, and even happiness can spread through social networks. If your close friends engage in healthy or unhealthy behaviours, you’re more likely to do the same.
In recovery, this concept is particularly relevant. Peer influence can either support or hinder recovery efforts. Being surrounded by individuals who are committed to sobriety can reinforce your commitment, while continuing to spend time with people who use substances can risk relapsing.
However, it’s important to recognize that this idea has its limitations. Even though the people around you do influence you, they are not the only factor shaping who you are. Your personal choices, experiences, and inner resilience play a crucial role in your journey.
Where the Five Friends Idea Falls Short
The “average of five” is an interesting thought experiment, but in our experience of mental health and addiction treatment, it’s a saying that really simplifies the complex nature of human behaviour and identity. After all, people are not just products of their environment; they are also influenced by their individual biology, their personal experiences, and their own motivations and sense of self.
Moreover, the idea assumes equal influence among all five people, which is rarely the case in real life, as some relationships have a greater impact on one’s life than others. For example, a mentor might have a more profound influence on your career than a casual friend or a partner might play a more significant role in your emotional health than a coworker.
The concept also overlooks the fact that you can be influenced by people outside your immediate social circle, such as public figures, authors, or online communities, especially in today’s digital and interconnected environment; the people who influence you might not be the ones you physically spend the most time with.
The Relevance to Mental Health and Addiction Treatment
The idea of being shaped by your social environment is crucial to mental health, addiction treatment, and recovery. At our centre, we often emphasize the importance of building a supportive network as part of the recovery process. Indeed, this is why group therapy and peer support groups are essential to many treatment programs, as they provide a community of individuals who share similar experiences and goals, creating a positive social environment that fosters recovery.
Surrounding yourself with people who understand your struggles and who support your recovery is essential. Being around folks who are also committed to their mental health can inspire you to stay on track, and witnessing their progress can motivate you to push through challenging times or provide insights into your own journey.
On the flip side, it’s crucial to distance yourself from relationships that could jeopardize your recovery. This might mean setting boundaries with friends who still use substances or who engage in behaviours that may trigger or complicate your struggles with mental health.
Balance and Awareness are Key
While the idea that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with does have some merit, it’s important not to take it too literally. The people around you do play a significant role in shaping your behaviours and attitudes, but they are just one piece of the puzzle. Your personal choices, intrinsic motivation, and the broader influences in your life also play a role.
In the context of mental health and addiction recovery, the takeaway is clear: Surround yourself with supportive, positive influences, but also recognize your own agency in shaping your recovery. Don’t be afraid to seek out relationships that uplift and empower you, especially with people who have experienced similar struggles.
Sunshine Coast Health Centre and Georgia Strait Women’s Clinic are world-class centres for addiction treatment and mental health. We take an approach that recognizes the importance of the physical, psychological, social and spiritual aspects of individuals in treatment and recovery. Our programs offer comprehensive, personalized treatment that focuses on building strong, supportive networks for lasting recovery. If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use or mental health, give us a call today.
