“Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts.
In a recent article, we talked about the importance of learning to accept uncertainty as a way to thrive. Today, we talk about situations where the uncertainty comes from ambiguity, or from not having a clear black-and-white answer or label for something. Ultimately, we explore how embracing ambiguity can allow us to live more meaningful and authentic lives.
Our Lives Are Rarely Black And White
Life is inherently complex. Things rarely fall into neatly defined categories we make for them or have the clear yes-or-no answers we hope for. This holds especially true when mental health and addiction are concerned, as treatment and recovery are nuanced, rarely linear, and often lead to more questions than answers.
Recognize Polarized Thinking
Polarized thinking, also known as black-and-white or all-or-nothing thinking, fits squarely in a category we’ve written about in the past: cognitive distortions, i.e. ways of thinking that make our lives feel even harder than it is.
Let’s look to addiction treatment and recovery as an example of how polarized thinking can make things more difficult for us. Let’s explore the belief that you must either fully succeed in achieving lasting sobriety or you are a total failure.
We see this sort of thinking a lot, either from families or from clients themselves. And yet, when you start talking to people about that belief, most clients and families will recognize that it’s okay to be imperfect and that setbacks are a natural part of many people’s journeys. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of extending that grace and empathy to ourselves or our loved ones.
Live Without Shame or Judgement
To take another example, consider concepts of being healthy or sick and the polarized distinction that’s often made between them. And yet, we know that health doesn’t really work like that. Health is not an all-or-nothing sort of endeavour; it exists in a continuum and is an ongoing process which requires compassion, acceptance, and action rather than black-and-white judgments.
All-or-nothing thinking is not uncommon in the world of mental health, addictions, treatment and recovery, possibly because of all of the shame and stigma attached to these things. People tend to fixate on the labels of being sick, bad, or addicted, where the reality is more grey.
Black-and-white thinking limits our ability to fully engage with the complexities of life and relationships.
Changing deeply ingrained patterns of black-and-white thinking can feel overwhelming, but mindfulness, self-awareness, and interventions such as Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) can all help. You can start small by cultivating your own awareness of polarized thoughts… Are you quick to judge situations as either perfect or terrible? Do you label yourself as a success or failure based on one outcome? Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards embracing ambiguity.
Embracing Ambiguity in Recovery
What would happen if, from time to time, we could loosen the strict labels we have backed ourselves into and learn to live in the grey area of life, recognizing the beauty and the struggle of each person’s unique blend of qualities and imperfections?
Life isn’t about perfection; it’s about making the most of the resources and time we have.
Challenge yourself to find the grey in one situation each day. Remind yourself that people can be both friendly and distant, talented yet average in different aspects of life. Life is a spectrum of experiences, emotions, and possibilities – not a binary of good or bad. By acknowledging the shades of grey, we open ourselves up to a richer, more nuanced existence and make room for healing and recovery.
Looking For Support?
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or mental health challenges, don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
Sunshine Coast Health Centre and Georgia Strait Women’s Clinic are world-class centers for addiction treatment and mental health. We take an approach that recognizes the importance of the physical, psychological, social and spiritual aspects of individuals in treatment and recovery. If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use or mental health, give us a call today.
